Have you ever picked up a handful of sand and watched as it slipped between your fingers? Sand conforms to whatever holds it, and it will pour through any crack it can manage. Time acts a lot like sand— an overused analogy, perhaps. But it is the familiarity of this visual that I’d like to use to my advantage.

            When we are young, time seems to move slowly. We have the whole world ahead of us, and nothing to bog us down. The excitement of what is to come becomes unbearable. Once we age, that all seems to change. We often beg for time to slow down, “please, just a little while longer.” It makes me think about moments I’ve missed with my kids because I was too wrapped up in a project— thinking it was going to benefit us (myself) in the long run.

            “Just a minute,” I’d say.

            A minute would pass, then two, then sixty. I’d feel the pressure of those minutes ticking— each hand a tap on my shoulder. By the time I looked up, the time was gone, and they had moved on. Guilt would creep up. I was no further in my project than when I had started, and now I was frustrated at what I had missed. I felt I couldn’t stop, though. If I stopped, I would waste more time I didn’t have and miss my chance. Nothing should have changed since I was a child. I was given the same hours today as I was given back then. So, what had changed?

            My instinct wants to say, I grew up. Countless responsibilities filled my days, and the constant movement made me forget about time. That’s the explanation we all seem to give. It makes sense if you think about it. The more you have on your plate, the less likely you are to watch the minutes tick by, and the theory of accelerated time seems true enough. But my heart wants to disagree. Not with the logic, but with the excuse.

            I have all these things I want to do in life, on top of all the responsibilities I am required to tend to. If I slow down, I’ll miss my purpose… I’ll miss the will that God has for my life. I’ll lose myself.

            These are thoughts I’ve had countless times— maybe you have too. If any of you know me, you probably know that I often keep to myself. It’s not because I don’t enjoy other’s company, I do. It’s mostly because I get anxious. When I’m around other people my brain tends to pack up its bags and go on a brief vacation. It’s super inconvenient and, dare I say, a bit rude. This leaves me to fend for myself. My words roll around in that empty space where my brain should be. I stutter and stumble over my sentences so much that I never make any sense. It becomes increasingly frustrating and a killer on my self-confidence.

            For years I have felt God’s pull, I have felt that I am not just some, shy, awkward girl— that I have a bigger purpose. This is what makes me feel the pressure of time, through the need to prove myself before time runs out. Did you know you have a bigger purpose too? We all do, and I know I’m not the only one to feel this way. Yours could be to touch the heart of thousands, or it could be preserved for only one. You might say, well, gee, only one? What good does that do? The one chosen to reach thousands sounds more valuable— they appear more successful, and you begin to believe that God really does play favorites.

            God doesn’t play favorites. Let me explain; the one chosen to reach thousands could be the one needed to be reached by you. This leads me back into my main topic, time. We don’t know the will God has for our lives. We don’t know God’s timeframe. Some are given hints, some are told outright, and some of us continue to search. We watch the minutes tick by and scramble to do everything we can before it runs out. We scramble to unscramble the will God has for us.

            Time will continue to move forward. That’s just a fact of life. There is absolutely nothing we can do about it. Which is why I think we all feel this impending pressure to perform. Sitting idle and waiting for something to happen is not going to get us anywhere, and booking up our days will not get us anywhere either— except stressed. They will lead us to feeling stressed.

            This is something that has played on my mind for years. But I think I’ve finally figured it out. God’s will for our life cannot be missed. The choices we make will decide the length of our path— much like how the Israelites wandered about in the wilderness for forty years. But the will of God will not be missed. You might have something pressed on your heart, and you might feel that if you don’t act now, you’ll miss your chance. Spoiler alert, you won’t. If you are following God, speaking with him regularly, and studying His word, you won’t miss it. God will guide you.

            The best example I can come up with right now is, I feel the need to write… but no matter how hard I try I cannot find the time to finish the books I want to finish. This makes me feel stressed and frustrated— the ever-changing publishing industry doesn’t help with that stress either. It makes me feel as though I will not accomplish anything, and that I will wither away without ever doing something of value— that I’m going to miss my chance to fulfill God’s purpose for my life. But then I turn to the little ones who curl up in my lap, who beg for stories each and every night, and I am reminded that this is where I am meant to be, and it’s ok for me to slow down.

            Time is a fickle thing. We always want to be where we’re not. As children we want to be in the future. As adults we want to be in the past. We want to control every part of our being so that we can live as close to perfection as possible. So, here I am, writing this to myself and sharing it with you, all to say, it’ll be ok.

            Now that we know we cannot miss the will of God, we can stop getting lost in the pursuit of time and start living. It is not so much putting a passion on hold, rather it is the act of placing that passion into His hands— allowing him to hold it and give it back to us when the time is right. This is something that requires a conscious effort to achieve. It’s giving yourself permission to let go. We don’t have to do it all. What you are doing right now may look different than you had envisioned. You might be experiencing conflicting emotions. But take it one day at a time.

            We will justify our busy schedules by finding reasons to explain their necessity. Often, the “necessity” is simply not true. Perhaps you are pursuing a dream. There are steps and hoops, you need to go through to reach that dream. But that pursuit often comes with some steep sacrifices, relationships, money, and time. I’m not telling you to abandon your dream. Quite the opposite, in fact. I am saying pursue those dreams, reach for the stars, but the price doesn’t need to cost so high.

            Allow yourself grace, take baby-steps, and be patient. Sometimes what we are searching for is right in front of us. We need only to take a step back, look around, and listen. Surrender it to God and trust that He will fulfill His promises to you. It may not look like what you thought it would. This may not be the direction you envisioned for yourself. But know that God is in control, that everything is as it should be, and what He has for you is better than anything you could imagine. So, enjoy those moments with your loved ones— those are the moments most valued, and the moments so frequently missed. And for what? Fear that we will miss God’s purpose?

Do not fear what cannot be missed because, by doing so, you will miss what you already have.

            Best wishes,

                        Kate Hughes